How do we educate people about our way of life without alienating them or worse yet, misinforming them? How we educate people about us is just as important as what we share with them because you cannot educate people about our way of life by throwing it in their face and saying, “accept me or hate me.” This will NOT work, ever.
When I first began my current Master/slave relationship we went to visit with my slaves doctor for his yearly physical and overall health assessment. It was at that visit that we took some reading material to give to his doctor about our relationship and how it worked. I felt it was important for his doctor to understand that I TOOK personal responsibility for my slave’s health and overseeing it to the best of my ability. By being up-front and honest with his doctor, now after almost a decade, his doctor is my doctor and we consider him a friend, too. We have an absolutely wonderful relationship with our doctor and so do many of our friends in the leather community.
So is there a way to approach people and interact with those outside of our way of life?
Yes, but I beg you to please not do it the wrong way. You can win over people if you give them time and allow folks to adjust to things that are often very foreign and different to what they have known. And a word of caution: Always remember that you will NOT win over everyone every time.
I do believe that you can work to relate to people by finding common ground. For instance, if you are trying to explain things to someone who is religious, you could use the Bible to reference why your relationship works for you and how it works for you. I can attest to this because I used this over 20 years ago when I talked to my parents about being a leather woman. I used this again almost 10 years ago when I talked to my parents about owning a slave. When you can use something that other people respect and value to compare to what you respect and value, I feel you have a better chance to come to at least a mutual understanding. I can tell you that this may work but as you know, it will not work every time in every situation. Nothings guaranteed with human nature.
I received the following from a loyal reader, “I came out to my parents over 25 years ago about being gay and after years of hating my being gay, they finally accepted me, and we are able to get together at holidays and it not be awkward. Now I want to come out to my parents as a leather man. How do I do that? Or should I do that? I don’t think my parents have many more years to be around and I’d like them to accept this important part of me.”
Parents many times have a hard time accepting our being gay. If on top of that you add being a leather person they might feel that it’s just way too much for them to cope with so I think you have to decide how important it is for you to tell them.
If your parents are at a spot in life where you believe you can work with them and let them know that you are happy and living life to its fullest because you are a leather man, then you have a good shot helping them to understand. Get some good reading material together and ask them to read or reference anything that you can’t answer right away. I would suggest not giving them anything of a sexual nature and that you approach the whole scene from a happiness and honorable way of life viewpoint. If you are able to get your parents to see that being a leather person is someone of high integrity then you have a chance at getting them to accept this important part of you.
I also received an e-mail from a man in Evansville who is trying to work on his relationship with his entire family. He notes that they have told him that they can accept him being gay but not being a leather person. His family is under the false impression that being a leather person is like being in a cult or a gang and they are worried about him, not happy for him.
I am suggesting that he try and talk to them and to give them some educational information to read. Sharing with them about what it is to be a leather person instead of what type of kinkv play some of us engage in is a better strategy I feel.
With the upcoming holidays — a time when most people see their relatives more than at any other time of year — now is a good time to work on those relationships. I would also suggest that patience is key in this process. You are not going to win over everyone in your family no matter how hard you try so I would start with the person you think you have the best chance with. Show them how much better your life is because you are a leather person.
Once you are able to get one family member on your side, you can use their help with the others. I wish you all the best of luck and remember to be patient with this process. It is a hard road but worth it if you can get that good relationship you seek.
