My kids are pretty open-minded. They know that families come in all shapes and sizes and that the make-up of your family is not what is important. They know that (as cliché as it is) love is what matters. (Sometimes, things are clichés because they are true.) The only thing they don’t understand is why everyone can’t see what is so plain to them.
Really, this was supposed to be about raising a gay-friendly child, but to be honest, that’s the easy part. That hard part is sending that child out into the world to be questioned, berated and badgered for their beliefs. It’s sending them out there, armed with knowledge that will make some people hate them. It is knowing that this will make life harder for them, even dangerous at times. Because, the people who will stand against them are not what one would call sane.
But, what other option is there? Do I tell them to stay quiet when someone says “That’s so gay”? Do I tell them to be silent when someone spreads untruths about what will happen if gays and lesbians can marry? Do I tell them to stay away from the child that is being taunted for being gay, and to just let he or she work it out on their own? Do I teach my child that others don’t matter and to just let someone else fight the battle?
I would like to go on record as saying that teaching your children to step back and let someone else stand up for what’s right officially makes you a bad parent.
Think of what would happen if we weren’t so scared. Think about that child sitting in the back of the classroom, scared to draw attention to himself, because he knows that there is something different about him. Try to imagine how he feels when someone uses the word “faggot”. Imagine the loneliness and fear he feels. I am sure that a lot of you don’t have to imagine and can draw upon your memories. I am also sure that this is a pretty tame situation compared to some.
But, what if someone spoke up? What if someone said “Hey, that’s not right” and wouldn’t back down when the offending party said they were “only kidding”? What if someone else heard this and thought that now they wouldn’t be alone in thinking it was wrong and joined in? What if one of the cool kids decided to be a part of this and then more kids followed? What if the child sitting in the back heard a whole group of kids stand up for him? Would it make a difference in his life?
Could it start with one kid saying something about it? Maybe that is idealistic, but I know that without one person saying something first, kids (especially teens) will rarely jump into unpopular waters on their own. I do know that sometimes the first kid will be out there on their own, swimming against the tide. It will be scary for us, as parents, to watch that and we will worry for them. We want to protect them and keep them safe, not send them into the lion’s den.
I guess you just have to decide if you want to raise a child you can be proud of. Do you want your child to live their life in a bubble? Or do you want your child to go out there and be the change? Do you want your child to stand up for their beliefs and for other’s rights? To make a difference?
Maybe that is dreaming big. I just know that when that child is sitting quietly in the back of the room, feeling all alone in the world, I want them to hear my child speak up for them.
