Dear Mz. Pink,
My girlfriend wants me to be more adventurous in our relationship and l just feel too worried to open up. I’ve been hurt before and I don’t want to be in a situation where I do some of the things my current girlfriend wants me to do and which may cause us to break up, like sex in public or taking dirty photos.
I may seem uptight, but I like what I like and I live how 1 live and I have become very comfortable in my routine. I’m just not sure how I can make her happy but stay true to myself. Please help!
Is there a way to have the best of both worlds? How can l cross those lines, but still keep myself protected?
Signed,
No Adventure
Dear No-Adventure,
Its okay to have routines and to live safely and there’s nothing wrong with being careful or worrying about the long-term consequences of your actions. Actually, if more people thought like you, we would have a lot less drama in the world and a lot more responsible adults and young adults. But there is a line that you can cross without compromising who you are and keeping your girlfriend happy, so I say you can do this!
First, let’s evaluate what it is your girlfriend wants you to do. You wrote she wants sex in public places and for you to take dirty photos of yourself (for her I assume).
You can work with these and not put yourself in harm’s way or get in trouble. Taking photos can be a simple “kissing face” picture with a little cleavage showing. There’s no harm in that, right? Or if you’re still uncomfortable with the cleavage, then just a “kissy face” or “seductive eye” photo would do.
If you feel sexy in the photo it should suffice. If you send it to her and she wants more, just tell her you will save that for the bedroom not the cell phone or camera. Be sure to be sexy and seductive when you tell her that, don’t freak out and be confrontational. Stand up for you, but be sexy for the both of you. Does that make sense?
Sex in public is tricky and I agree: you don’t want to do that. Bathrooms are gross and let’s face it: lesbian sex is a lot of touching in and out of different orifices, so it can get a little messy (in a good way).
Try to do role-playing at home, set it up like a bistro and serve her dinner. Or you could even start to pre-heat the oven in public, like touching on her, holding her hand, kissing her, kissing her neck or nabbing her exposed skin. Those things are not too risky and won’t get you banned from restaurants and other public places if you do them.
What I’m trying to get at is that most things she wants are things you can do the way you want to do them. You can still be sexy and safe; you can still be adventurous but cautious. There is a happy medium. You can do things like sexy photos tastefully.
If it comes to a point that you just feel too pressured and you can’t find a tasteful alternative to her requests, then you need to tell her. Tell her to work with you and give you some other requests. Find out what else she likes and surprise her with those before she asks you to do them. You don’t always have to wait for her to tell you to do something, you can do it first and I bet she won’t be expecting it and to her that will seem adventurous.
Show her your sexy side! You might surprise yourself, too, with what you can do and how in control you will feel once you start doing these things. The best part is you won’t be betraying your beliefs or who you are and what you’ve worked so hard to accomplish. I feel that you will like being in control of what you are doing and that will give you more confidence to think outside the box.
Good luck and be sexy!
Mz. Pink
