Mz Pink,
I have always been career-orientated. I knew I would get a good job and excel. I never put any thought in having a relationship, family or other friendships because of my mindset. I was okay with the way things were going, too. I mean I did have friends, but a relationship was low on the list of things I needed.
Well, a few months back I met somebody unexpectedly. She is great, but a few days ago I was offered a promotion and a chance to relocate. It’s what I always wanted and the opportunity is here. I took the offer tight away, but now I have to tell my girlfriend and break it off with her. I also have to tell my family that I am moving faraway. I’m not sure how this will work out, but my job is my top priority right now and I have to do what’s right for me. How do I do this?
Moved
Dear Moved,
It seems that you know what you want and have your mind made up. That is a good thing. Setting goals and reaching them is very important. Once you have that frame of mind you will almost never lose it. I commend you for doing what is right in your life for you! Congratulations on the promotion, you will do well!
As far as your family goes, I think you should do something sweet and thoughtful for them. A revealing party with a destination theme or something. Ease them in to where you are going and what you’ll be doing there.
They are your family and they will understand why you took the promotion and they will be happy for you — sad that you’re moving, but happy you’re reaching your goals. You also don’t and won’t have to worry that they’re going to freak out on you for this decision.
Your girlfriend on the other hand may be a different story.
When you break it to your girlfriend, let her know that this is something that you have been waiting for a long time and that it has always been a goal of yours to get this promotion. Also let her know that although you enjoy her company and care about her, being in a relationship wasn’t something that you went out looking for (although this should have been something you communicated in the beginning so something like this could have at least been expressed and wouldn’t be such a surprise).
Just telling her might not be enough. Take her to dinner or coffee or go on some sort of date. Make her as comfortable as you can and then let her know about your promotion and your upcoming move.
Be prepared for questions like, “Why can’t I go with you?” and “Why would you lead me on?” or “Don’t you love me?”
Just know that you will have to answer those questions and you should answer as honestly as possible. Don’t be hateful and don’t get angry’ — this is a situation that is going to be hard for her, especially if she included you in her long-term plans and then finds out that you don’t feel the same and that she was never a part of your future.
Don’t take her feelings lightly, but ease her into the news. Be honest and tell her that you will keep in touch as best as you can. Tell her you didn’t mean for this relationship to get as serious as it did and that you care for her, but this is something that you have worked very hard for. Hopefully she will be understanding and not try and argue or fight with you.
Once you get through this revealing, remember that when you move, be honest and open with any other women that you meet. Tell them that you are career-orientated and that you aren’t looking for anything serious so if another promotion is in your future you won’t drop a bomb on a girl who thinks she is your top priority. Good luck with this situation and your promotion!
Mz. Pink
