Dear Mz. Pink,
My girlfriend and I have been together for a while now, and I love being with her. But we argue all the time. I mean we argue about everything from the color of an object to the temperature outside. I hate it that we argue all the time, but to make matters worse, she thinks she is always right even when she is wrong. Of course, with this being her thought process I can’t make her understand some things and another argument ensues. Please help. I need to be the bigger person and not fall victim to arguments and it’s hard sometimes. How can this become easier?
Argued Out
Dear Argued,
I know its frustrating to argue; especially when it seems like that’s all you do. Arguing, like brushing your teeth, becomes a habit that’s very easy to fall victim to even if you hate to argue. Almost all arguments are pointless even if they seem necessary. I’m not saying that one person is right or wrong in any situation, it just takes one or both of you to stop the argument before it starts. Here are some helpful tips to prevent a full-blown argument:
—Don’t speak. Gwen Stefani said it best. If you know what is about to happen, you feel the tone you know, just don’t say anything.
—Walk away. Don’t just walk away and argue, walk away and do something that will get you out of your frame of mind.
—Be self-aware. Know what you’re saying and what you’re going to say. It’s easy to say the meanest stuff you can dig up, but in the end both of you will just be even angrier and hurt.
—Teach yourself. Teach yourself to be better in an argument. Say what you’re going to say in a less hurtful manner and then move on.
—Don’t fall victim to your partner. She may like arguing, so watch out for the triggers.
Up to this point she has been able to push your buttons and get an argument out of you so just don’t let that happen. This will take practice and patience.
—Realize nobody is right in the arguments. Whether you pick blue or pink, it doesn’t matter. Spats are spats. Agree to disagree.
—Pick your battles. If it’s something small, don’t let it get to that awful place of a supersized argument. Think to yourself, “Is this something I want to spend the rest of our evening arguing about?” If it is, well then, go at it. If not, move on.
—Take a different approach. You know when you get an annoying song stuck in your head it’s hard to move on to another tune. Well, as in that situation if you do it differently, it’s more likely going to change. For example, use a different voice or do something silly when it’s your turn to get in the ring.
—Just say no. It’s not only a good catch phrase for drug use, but in lesbian arguing as well.
Finally, if you are going to argue and fight do it fairly. Talk about issues. Don’t wait until something that is small has built up to a major issue. Address things in the beginning. Focus on a single situation. Don’t veer off from what the main issue really is and solve one problem at a time. Also, try not to personalize your arguments. How you say something can be the make-or-break of a peaceful day. Don’t attack your girlfriend, but instead attack the situation. And finally, be prepared to forgive each other and move on.
Hopefully these pointers will help you avoid an argument or at least end one more happily. If you’re coming to your wits end and just can’t take it anymore then you need to decide is the relationship worth the fight. Is she the one you want to spend every day with even if you argue every day? Are the arguments so small that it’s just a game or does it affect your whole life? Can you live with the spats or would your life be better and more peaceful without them? It has to stall with you, but it can become a team effort. Good luck!
Mz. Pink
