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probably weighs 110 soaking wet. She is living with
her husband in Idaho. She and I talk several times a
week. She asks me about work, ball, my home life, and
anything else she can think of. She worries about my
health, my finances, my dead end job, and she worries
about my activities on the political side of the “gay
life style”.
We weren’t extremely close when I was a kid. However,
when we were together I knew I could tell her
anything. If she could sense something was wrong and I
told her nothing; she had a way of asking all the
right questions to get it out of me. We had also made
a pack, my brother, my mother, and myself. If a direct
question is asked, you can’t lie about it. That worked
so well, we use it still today, about 18 years later.
One of my favorite instances using the “20 questions
method” was when I came out to my Mother. I was so
nervous, I had been dealing with the issue for a long
time. Now, I had a girlfriend and I felt as though I
was keeping a very important part of myself away from
my mom. In a sense I felt I though I was lying through
omission. So, one day, it was hot, my mom knew there
was something “wrong” I agreed. But, I couldn’t just
tell her, so we played our “20 questions” game.1st
question “are you on drugs?” nope. 2nd question “are
you pregnant?” um, nope, 3rd question “ are you gay?”
YES, YES, YES, that’s it. It took a matter of like two
minutes. The look on her face was priceless. It was
not a look of disgust, or hurt, it was a look of
surprise that she got to the answer in only 3
questions.
I’m sure finding out that your oldest is a lesbian can
and is very hard for parents to deal with. My mom, she
didn’t disown me, she didn’t talk down to me, she
didn’t yell, and I never saw her cry. As a matter of
fact, our lives just kinda went on. Her with her life
and me with mine. We’ve been closer these last 10
years than we ever were. I love her and enjoy her in
my life.
I’ve been able to tell her about my relationships,
good and bad. She has been there for the laughs and
the cries. She has always tried to be accepting of my
life and the people I choose to be part of my life.
Recently, I have been very active in the gay
community, and here’s my mom, checking out web sites
to see how we here in the Central Valley are doing.
She checked in Idaho to see if they had a “marriage
equality campaign” going on. She asks me questions we
she doesn’t understand or know. She lets me know she
is proud of me and what we’re all fighting for. When I
get a little too excited she helps me to calm down.
Probably the biggest testament of my relationship with
my mother came when she found out I was gay and when
she discovered it was not a “phase”. I was really
worried our relationship would suffer greatly. I am
happy to say it hasn’t. I think our relationship is
strong. I love my Mother, and I feel her love for me.
I don’t know what I would do with out the love of my
Mom. She has been an inspiration to me many many times
throughout the years.
So, if you have a mom, call her. If you are a mom,
love your children-love goes on forever and conquerors
all.
Mom, if you’re reading, I love you and Happy Mother’s
Day.
Becki
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