Dear Mz. Pink,
I’m kind of a bum, I have no drive. I work dead-end jobs and / don’t really want a higher education. I prefer my partying lifestyle. I like to go out all night and then sleep all day. I like the decisions I make for myself. At least I have up to this point.
The problem is I’ve met someone who is the complete opposite. Normally I wouldn’t worry, but I feel differently about this woman. She is educated, responsible and career driven. She would rather stay at home than go out to the club.
She is the type of woman that I would have a one-night stand with and then move on, but this one has me wanting to come back again and again.
All this said I am not sure how to change my lifestyle. I know that being with someone like this woman will not work out, because she will eventually get tired of my crap and since she is martyr status, she acts like she doesn’t want to change me.
What I fear is when she realizes that she can never change me and that I may never change we will break up and she will be bitter and scornful. I don’t want that for her or me. I don’t know what to do or where to go with this. I care for her and would like to move forward, but I am not sure I want to change or that I can change. Please help!
Party Monster
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Dear Monster,
It’s good to know where you stand and know who you are as a person. In my opinion, however, I feel that drive to change on your pail will come, the party life will get old at some point and then you will want to settle down. Trust me: those things do come and the fact that you don’t want to rush that is okay. You should enjoy your younger years and be who you want to be during them. You will have plenty of time to become an old married lesbian! I know you may not see yourself changing, but it comes with age and wisdom.
As far as this new lady, she sounds like a real catch. I know that anything which threatens your partying may scare you a little bit now, but she may be just what you need.
I would say date her for a while and if you feel that it is starting to go south then you can break it off and call it another notch on your bed post. But if it does work, then she may be just the one to tame your wild side. And that is not a bad thing and can be a good thing.
As far as her being bitter when (or if) it ends, she probably will be anyway and if she wanted to change you from the beginning then you should probably enter with caution. It should raise a red flag if someone wants to change you any time because it could be a control thing or even lead to abuse and that is not an ideal relationship.
Also, if you are pushed to change and do so, later you will feel you were forced to change for no reason and you will become the bitter one. While you are dating watch for signs that she could only be happy if she is running your life. Remember that even though you party you do have a grip on how you live and how you want your life to be which is half the battle, meaning you may be way more realistic than you think.
If this woman does not try to change you and she just goes with the flow, don’t lead her on for too long. If time is passing and your dating relationship is going great and she is still on top of her game and is letting you be you but you still don’t feel like changing that is when you need to throw in the towel for her sake.
You can’t keep her thinking that you are going to settle down with her if you have no plans to do so. That is not fair to her — especially if she has done nothing but support you and your choices. Most likely a woman who knows what she wants out of life knows that she wants a good, steady relationship and a partner to live life with, too. Either you do that with her or you go on your way.
Good luck!
Mz. Pink
