When a man murders someone, is he still a man?
He becomes a beast through word of mouth, becomes a monster and something evil by his victims’ families. But he is still a man, yes? He is still referred to as “he” and “him”, is still entered into a statistic about “white men between the age of twenty and forty being the most likely to become killers”, and he is still imprisoned as a man.
So why is it that, if a transgender man does something worth half of the accusation, he is misgendered because people say it’s “okay” to do so?
Why is it that a cis person is treated with respect for murder, but a trans person who, say, stole something, is not?
This, amongst many others, is a sign of internalized transphobia.
Whether you agree with Caitlyn Jenner’s political stances or not, she is still a woman and a human and should be addressed with such respect. Whether you see Elliot Page as “valid” or “not valid” should never dictate his desire for a certain name and specific pronouns.
It’s a sign of your respect for others, and your dignity as treating others the way you wish to be treated. A person – whether cis or trans – doesn’t have the right to dictate what someone asks to be called.
Both cis people, as well as the trans people and people within the LGBT community, are guilty of this internalized transphobia. Those who are angry or hurt will spew epithets that they otherwise wouldn’t say, and that’s understandable; there is an explanation behind the transphobia, but not an excuse. Because, to misgender a trans person is to not treat them with humility and respect. And if someone says, “I’m sorry, I was just really mad, it just slipped out”, then it makes me wonder:
Is this what you think about all the time when addressing a trans person?
If it just “slipped out”, does that mean that you normally have to filter constantly, therefore proving that you don’t see
us as the gender we are?
Don’t worry, though. This is something that is learned over time, and through trial and error. Mistakes happen, and
the average person won’t condemn you for a mishap or two. Because I would be lying if I said I had never
experienced internalized transphobia, too. I have, my mother – the woman with a pansexual, agender child – has, my
friends have, and many others will, as well.
It’s a matter of learning, for yourself, how to undo those toxic thoughts, and in turn, be able to help others unravel similar prejudice. No amount of aggression or hostility will aid in healing internalized transphobia, it will only anger both parties further. Instead, being succinct, firm, and understanding with those showing spots of transphobia can aid in fixing their uneducated views.
Because, at the end of the day, education is everything.
Education allows people to learn from mistakes, improve their quality of life, assist others, and make their community
a safer and healthier place. Whether trans or cis, black or white, gay or straight, anybody can be educated about
another group, can learn what helps and what doesn’t, and can be a part of the movement of further educating
others.
